Lately reading the Bible has become a dangerous pastime for me. Now, reading the Bible should always be looked at as a dangerous undertaking because the Word has the power to unsettle us, to mess us up, to cut us to the quick -- if we'll let it. And that is a very big if.
For many, reading the Bible is just a rote activity where we re-read the stories that we already know to remind ourselves what they say but without really making any new discoveries or without allowing those stories to make us question our thoughts, attitudes, and the very foundations upon which we've built our lives. We have to be careful to make sure that we don't allow this to happen.
For me, over the past few months, the Bible has become dangerous for another reason. You see, lately I've been reading it much more from the eyes of an actor. Rather than reading to get the facts, I put myself into the mindset of the characters involved. I ask myself, "What were they thinking when they said that? Why did they do that? Who were these people? What did they want out of life?" In my acting training, my theatre professor taught me the most essential question that the actor must answer in every play, every scene, every moment that they portray on stage. That question is: "What do you want?" We are never just talking or just doing things. With each breath, we are trying to get something,and everything we do is either taking us closer or further away from getting what we want. Yes, there is a driving force behind us -- our desires.
My acting teacher was fond of stopping our scenes mid-sentence to say, "What do you want? What does your character want in this very moment!?" Usually, we'd give some lame-brained answer, like, "She wants to know that she is loved by her dad." And our teacher would say, "How will she know that?" We'd stop and think and say, "I don't know. Maybe if he gave her a hug?" And he'd say, "Okay, so she doesn't want to know something. She doesn't want words from him! She wants a hug! So, continue the scene and say your lines -- and the whole time you're saying them try to get that hug from him. The lines are just part of trying to get what you want!!"
Now, I hope I haven't lost you. You may be thinking this is a little crazy, but stick with me please! :) At any rate, when I read the Bible this way -- trying to answer the questions of what the people want and what they will do and are doing to get it, it really comes alive to me. I've come to the conclusion that if you can't act out what's happening on the pages of the Bible than you probably don't have a full understanding of what's going on -- myself included. There are so many layers, so many characters, so many attitudes, emotions, and things happening in one little scene.
The story of Blind Bartimaeus in Mark 10 is a good example of this. It's just 6 verses, so it's easy for us to read it quickly and think we've understood it. But I've been teaching this scene to the kids in my drama class and I used this same scene to illustrate the effectiveness of dramatizing the Bible this weekend at the Arts conference, and I've learned so many things that I didn't realize were there.
My kids have shown me the desperation that Bartimaeus must have been feeling. He could hear what was going on around him as the people ran toward Jesus, but he wasn't part of it, couldn't get close to it. When I saw one of my somewhat awkward high school students doing the part, I realized that he completely understands this story because he knows what it's like to be in the crowd but not part of what's going on. He understands what that feels like and how much it hurts!
A group of adults modernized the story in our workshop. In their scene, Jesus was a business executive. The disciples and crowds were following him telling him all of the things he had to do, meetings he had to attend, papers he had to sign, calls he had to take. All the while his cell phone kept ringing. And there, at the perimeter, was a seemingly insignificant woman trying to get his attention to get his signature for a homeless shelter for women that needed to be opened. Their scene made me realize how busy Jesus must have been, what demands must have been placed upon his time, how hard he must have had to work to keep balance.
In yet another scene, a woman in the crowd pushed her way forward to Jesus and then said to her friend, "Quick! Get my picture with him!" This made me realize the celebrity status that Jesus had attained. People didn't want to get close to get to know him necessarily. They wanted to get close because He was bigger than any American Idol. I can just picture a bunch of teens screaming at a concert in complete hysteria because their heart-throb has entered the arena. Certainly, Jesus had acquired such a status with certain people.
And so, every time I open the Bible, I find myself inspired to create something. Something that will help us to see the Word anew, as if for the first time. Sometimes I have to hold myself back. I have to say, "Whoa! First just take the time to be with the Word, to hear God's voice." It's almost scary for me to read any books or pick up the Word because I know something is going to hit me and will stir in me the desire to create -- which is a good thing, but like any good thing, requires balance.
Today, unexpectedly, Galatians 1 opened up to me in a way as I'd never seen it before. It's a letter. And I could just picture the people of the Galatian church gathered around the letter, eagerly waiting to hear what their friend Paul had written to them. And then after the nice introduction finding out that he was writing to rebuke them!! How that must have changed their attitude towards the letter from excitement to dread! From wanting to continue reading to thinking, "No thanks. I'd rather pass." And then I pictured Paul writing it to them, recounting his journey of faith all the way up to the last line of the chapter -- "And they gave glory to God because of me." I didn't hear any pride in Paul's voice, but rather a deep sense of humility. Realizing that you have been used by God that others might give Him glory is an overwhelming and humbling thought. The work of this early morning was turning the words of Galatians 1 into a skit that captures all of those feelings and the emotions and attitudes of all of those characters. Galatians 1 is alive to me, and I hope to have the chance to share that with others someday soon.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Monday, March 8, 2010
Back In Town with Lessons from a Headache
Well, I'm back in town . . . and it's funny just how appropriate last Friday's posting about rest was. I went to Pennsylvania for the weekend for a Worship Arts Conference where I was invited to teach a class about church drama ministry. We had a 7 hour drive to get there -- and I think I was crashing after a busy, somewhat stressful, week because I had a terrible headache for half of the ride and then for most of the night. But it was funny because before we'd even arrived at the conference, I'd already learned something. I'd learned the importance of rest. This is a lesson that I have to learn over and over again, because I'm just not wired to build rest into my life like we're supposed to.
But anyway, I realized that over the last few weeks I'd been spending a lot of time calling libraries and other places trying to get more work for the summer. In my head I could already think of a bunch more places I needed to call or email or places I should look into calling or emailing. I was planning on getting back to it as soon as I returned from the conference. Never mind the fact that for the upcoming summer I already have more work scheduled now in March than I ended up having all of last summer. And I considered last summer a good summer!
I thought about how tired I was right at that moment, how I'd been working hard over the last few weeks; and I thought about my head-ache because my head was still throbbing. And then I thought -- "I don't want to be driving to places this summer with a headache, feeling tired and worn-out and not able to give my best performance! No, that's not what I want!" Not only would I be miserable, but it wouldn't be fair to the places where I'm going. It wouldn't be fair to the people of Haiti whose story I'm going to tell. It wouldn't be fair to my husband because he'd inevitably end up getting the worst part of me -- the times when I'm exhausted and grouchy.
Now, this is not to say that I don't want to work hard. Believe me, I've got enough going to keep me working hard all summer. It's not even to say that I wouldn't be happy if more work came along and that I wouldn't take it if it did. But I feel like an annoying headache on a long car ride taught me that I need to be careful just how hard I run after work. So I'm taking a different approach right now. The calendar is pretty full -- so now I'm not going to spend hours each day pursuing more work. I'm going to take it one day at a time, doing what I can and being sure to make time for moments of rest so that I don't burn out. I'm going to trust that since I've done the work of getting the word out in the first place that the places where I'm supposed to visit this summer will get a hold of me. And I'm going to focus my attentions where they need to be focused. . .
It's so easy to go from wanting more to wanting too much. But when you put it all in perspective it's not worth it. . . In some cases the more work I get, the more time I have to spend away from home, away from my husband, and he is one of my top priorities!
How often do we evaluate if our actions and choices are leading us closer to who we want to be? Sometimes something as seemingly small as a headache can speak louder than words.
But anyway, I realized that over the last few weeks I'd been spending a lot of time calling libraries and other places trying to get more work for the summer. In my head I could already think of a bunch more places I needed to call or email or places I should look into calling or emailing. I was planning on getting back to it as soon as I returned from the conference. Never mind the fact that for the upcoming summer I already have more work scheduled now in March than I ended up having all of last summer. And I considered last summer a good summer!
I thought about how tired I was right at that moment, how I'd been working hard over the last few weeks; and I thought about my head-ache because my head was still throbbing. And then I thought -- "I don't want to be driving to places this summer with a headache, feeling tired and worn-out and not able to give my best performance! No, that's not what I want!" Not only would I be miserable, but it wouldn't be fair to the places where I'm going. It wouldn't be fair to the people of Haiti whose story I'm going to tell. It wouldn't be fair to my husband because he'd inevitably end up getting the worst part of me -- the times when I'm exhausted and grouchy.
Now, this is not to say that I don't want to work hard. Believe me, I've got enough going to keep me working hard all summer. It's not even to say that I wouldn't be happy if more work came along and that I wouldn't take it if it did. But I feel like an annoying headache on a long car ride taught me that I need to be careful just how hard I run after work. So I'm taking a different approach right now. The calendar is pretty full -- so now I'm not going to spend hours each day pursuing more work. I'm going to take it one day at a time, doing what I can and being sure to make time for moments of rest so that I don't burn out. I'm going to trust that since I've done the work of getting the word out in the first place that the places where I'm supposed to visit this summer will get a hold of me. And I'm going to focus my attentions where they need to be focused. . .
It's so easy to go from wanting more to wanting too much. But when you put it all in perspective it's not worth it. . . In some cases the more work I get, the more time I have to spend away from home, away from my husband, and he is one of my top priorities!
How often do we evaluate if our actions and choices are leading us closer to who we want to be? Sometimes something as seemingly small as a headache can speak louder than words.
Friday, March 5, 2010
Dear friends, I'll be out of town this weekend at a Worship Arts Conference in Pennsylvania and don't think I'll have much access to the internet, so I doubt there will be any posts until Monday. I hope you all have a wonderful and refreshing weekend. I leave you with this thought. . .
Psalm 127:2 says: In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for something to eat, for God gives rest to those He loves.
Sometimes we don't want to take that rest -- but God does grant it. As Jesus reminds us -- the Sabbath isn't for God -- God doesn't need rest! It's for man -- who does!
I hope you find rest today in the One who loves you.
God gives rest to the ones He loves.
Psalm 127:2 says: In vain you rise early and stay up late, toiling for something to eat, for God gives rest to those He loves.
Sometimes we don't want to take that rest -- but God does grant it. As Jesus reminds us -- the Sabbath isn't for God -- God doesn't need rest! It's for man -- who does!
I hope you find rest today in the One who loves you.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Do Me a Favor, Jesus!
I'm sure many of you are familiar with the story of James and John asking to sit at Jesus' right hand. In some accounts, it's their mother who asks for them. But in the book of Mark (Chapter 10) they ask Jesus themselves. I've read the account many times, but what I never really noticed before is what is immediately preceding this request.
See, the disciples are following Jesus to Jerusalem, and Jesus tells them: "When we get to Jerusalem, the Son of Man will be betrayed to the leading priests and the teachers of religious law. They will sentence him to die and hand him over to the Romans. They will mock him, spit on him, beat him with their whips, and kill him, but after three days he will rise again."
Then, right after that (in the very next verse!), James and John come up to Jesus and say, "Teacher, we want you to do us a favor. In your glorious kingdom, we want to sit in places of honor next to you."
Now this request isn't so shocking to me (we all like honor) as the timing of it. Jesus has just told them all of the horrible things that are going to happen to him in Jerusalmen -- Jesus is walking the road to Jerusalem -- to his horrible fate, and then James and John have the audacity to make their request for honor!! They are thinking of themselves and their honor in light of what Jesus is facing! How could they!!??
Well, it's easy to condemn them -- until I hold the mirror up to reality and realize that I'm no different. In the face of what others are suffering, I can still think solely of myself and how everything affects me. I'm quite sure I've listened to people telling me about the pain they are enduring and the difficulties they are facing all the while waiting for the opportunity to ask them for what I want -- what I need from them. Sure, I know it's wrong and selfish, just like James and John had to know it wasn't a good time to ask Jesus for their favor, but then, that's our ugly human nature. It makes us see only what we need.
As the old DC Talk song, "In the Light" says:
See, the disciples are following Jesus to Jerusalem, and Jesus tells them: "When we get to Jerusalem, the Son of Man will be betrayed to the leading priests and the teachers of religious law. They will sentence him to die and hand him over to the Romans. They will mock him, spit on him, beat him with their whips, and kill him, but after three days he will rise again."
Then, right after that (in the very next verse!), James and John come up to Jesus and say, "Teacher, we want you to do us a favor. In your glorious kingdom, we want to sit in places of honor next to you."
Now this request isn't so shocking to me (we all like honor) as the timing of it. Jesus has just told them all of the horrible things that are going to happen to him in Jerusalmen -- Jesus is walking the road to Jerusalem -- to his horrible fate, and then James and John have the audacity to make their request for honor!! They are thinking of themselves and their honor in light of what Jesus is facing! How could they!!??
Well, it's easy to condemn them -- until I hold the mirror up to reality and realize that I'm no different. In the face of what others are suffering, I can still think solely of myself and how everything affects me. I'm quite sure I've listened to people telling me about the pain they are enduring and the difficulties they are facing all the while waiting for the opportunity to ask them for what I want -- what I need from them. Sure, I know it's wrong and selfish, just like James and John had to know it wasn't a good time to ask Jesus for their favor, but then, that's our ugly human nature. It makes us see only what we need.
As the old DC Talk song, "In the Light" says:
The disease of self runs through my blood.
It's a cancer fatal to my soul.
Every attempt on my behalf has failed
to bring this sickness under control.
Like the lyrics above suggest, I know that I am powerless to die to self on my own. Without Jesus it would be all about me all of the time. Sadly, even with Jesus, that sickness of self creeps up way too often. So, if any of you reading this have ever been hurt by my selfishness, have ever felt like I wanted to talk about me more than I wanted to listen to you, then I pray that you would forgive me. I am working on it -- but like cancer it usually requires repeated, often painful, treatments. I hope you will be patient. . . and as hard as this is to say, not be afraid to call me out on it when you see it creeping up again!
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
That Odious Odor!
Yesterday I had some people come to clean our carpets. In some areas of the house, there is a strong odor -- what I believe is a pet odor left behind by the pets of the previous owners. In one particular area, it's so strong that I don't even like to go into that room. The carpet cleaning company said they guaranteed their work and wouldn't bother cleaning the carpets if they didn't think they could fix the problem -- so I thought I should give them a try before entertaining the expensive notion of replacing the carpet altogether!
So this morning after the carpets were dry I went down to the "problem room" to see if there had been any improvement. And to my frustration I found that the odor was still there, lingering in the room just as before. It irritated me. . . My line of thought began to work something like this. .. "They said they wouldn't clean the carpet if they didn't think it was worth it, if they thought they couldn't get rid of the smell. But it still stinks! What a minute. . . they did say that if it didn't come up the first time they'd come back and clean it again, but I'm not sure they're going to be able to do anything about it even with a second time around. The guy who was out here yesterday didn't even notice the smell. I think he must've had an olfactory problem because as he cleaned it was wafting through the whole house!!. . Now I'm going to have to call them, ask them to come back and then if it doesn't work, what then? I guess we'll have to replace the carpets altogether, and I'll have to ask for a refund because the money that we paid to have it done wasn't to make them look nice -- it was to get the smell out and if that didn't work it was a waste. And if they won't give us our money back, I'll have to complain, and if nothing happens, we'll have lost perfectly good money that could've been used to help pay for the new carpet that wouldn't smell!"
Whew! Yes, my mind went from 0 to 60 mph in no time flat. And as all these thoughts were going through my mind, I was feeling frustrated and distracted. I was feeling like I'd lost valuable time and money in getting my house into the condition it needs to be in order to feel like home -- the kind of home I could feel good inviting people into.
But then I had to stop myself. I realized how foolish I was being. I thought of a city in Egypt that I heard about while at Urbana. It's literally called "Garbage City." The people who live there are the garbage collectors of Cairo. They go into the city collect all of the trash and bring it back to their community where they recycle what they can and pitch what they can't into an area right where they live. I've never been there, but supposedly the smell is overwhelming. The people's homes are built right over a huge garbage dump. And this is where they live, where children play, where they spend all of their time. And all of a sudden, it put things into perspective for me. It was silly to be putting so much negative mental energy into this whole carpet thing in light of what other people are living with every day. Now, I'm not saying that means I'll just let the carpet thing go -- because the company is responsible for their work. But mentally, yes, I'm letting it go so that it doesn't consume my thoughts or rob me of my peace or keep me from being productive today.
After this whole realization, I happened to read this interesting paraphrase of Matthew 25 written by Rich Stearns, the president of World Vision. It says:
For I was hungry, while you had all you need. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison and you said I was getting what I deserved.
If that isn't convicting, I don't know what is! I pray today that I would learn to take those words to heart and to not allow myself to become consumed by the minor things that seek to bring me down, but rather remember all that I do have to be thankful for and how much I have to share. As my favorite author C.S. Lewis so aptly points out in his book, The Screwtape Letters, often the little things that distract our minds which we think are so innocent, merely our own thoughts, are the subtle ways that the Enemy works to keep our focus off of God.
So this morning after the carpets were dry I went down to the "problem room" to see if there had been any improvement. And to my frustration I found that the odor was still there, lingering in the room just as before. It irritated me. . . My line of thought began to work something like this. .. "They said they wouldn't clean the carpet if they didn't think it was worth it, if they thought they couldn't get rid of the smell. But it still stinks! What a minute. . . they did say that if it didn't come up the first time they'd come back and clean it again, but I'm not sure they're going to be able to do anything about it even with a second time around. The guy who was out here yesterday didn't even notice the smell. I think he must've had an olfactory problem because as he cleaned it was wafting through the whole house!!. . Now I'm going to have to call them, ask them to come back and then if it doesn't work, what then? I guess we'll have to replace the carpets altogether, and I'll have to ask for a refund because the money that we paid to have it done wasn't to make them look nice -- it was to get the smell out and if that didn't work it was a waste. And if they won't give us our money back, I'll have to complain, and if nothing happens, we'll have lost perfectly good money that could've been used to help pay for the new carpet that wouldn't smell!"
Whew! Yes, my mind went from 0 to 60 mph in no time flat. And as all these thoughts were going through my mind, I was feeling frustrated and distracted. I was feeling like I'd lost valuable time and money in getting my house into the condition it needs to be in order to feel like home -- the kind of home I could feel good inviting people into.
But then I had to stop myself. I realized how foolish I was being. I thought of a city in Egypt that I heard about while at Urbana. It's literally called "Garbage City." The people who live there are the garbage collectors of Cairo. They go into the city collect all of the trash and bring it back to their community where they recycle what they can and pitch what they can't into an area right where they live. I've never been there, but supposedly the smell is overwhelming. The people's homes are built right over a huge garbage dump. And this is where they live, where children play, where they spend all of their time. And all of a sudden, it put things into perspective for me. It was silly to be putting so much negative mental energy into this whole carpet thing in light of what other people are living with every day. Now, I'm not saying that means I'll just let the carpet thing go -- because the company is responsible for their work. But mentally, yes, I'm letting it go so that it doesn't consume my thoughts or rob me of my peace or keep me from being productive today.
After this whole realization, I happened to read this interesting paraphrase of Matthew 25 written by Rich Stearns, the president of World Vision. It says:
For I was hungry, while you had all you need. I was thirsty, but you drank bottled water. I was a stranger, and you wanted me deported. I needed clothes, but you needed more clothes. I was sick, and you pointed out the behaviors that led to my sickness. I was in prison and you said I was getting what I deserved.
If that isn't convicting, I don't know what is! I pray today that I would learn to take those words to heart and to not allow myself to become consumed by the minor things that seek to bring me down, but rather remember all that I do have to be thankful for and how much I have to share. As my favorite author C.S. Lewis so aptly points out in his book, The Screwtape Letters, often the little things that distract our minds which we think are so innocent, merely our own thoughts, are the subtle ways that the Enemy works to keep our focus off of God.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Easy to Praise!
On a day like today it's super easy to praise. It's the kind of day where I just want to throw my hands in the air, jump up and down and dance for joy. Today around 2pm I received a call inviting me to go on an all expenses paid mission trip to Haiti. I'd applied for the trip by writing an essay. I had to answer the question: "How are you personally challenged by Jesus' invitation to live more fully and love dangerously, and how could this trip be part of that?"
At some point I'll post my answer to that question for you to see. I will say that in part I wrote about the conflict that is in me. It's a conflict that I feel almost every day. I can't help but wonder -- am I supposed to be on the ground, living as a missionary somewhere? I love missions, I love people, I love other cultures. I long to have a more simple life, to get rid of stuff I don't need, and be filled more by God and relationships than anything else. And there is a part of me that at any given moment would like to just sell everything and move to some distant land and live among the people there. And if I had my way, I'd probably globe-trot the world that way.
But then there's this other part of me -- the part that wonders if I'm supposed to be here where I'm at right now. If as much as I love the people of the world and want to be with them, if I'm not supposed be here at home getting other people as excited about loving the world as I am and showing them how they can make a difference. It's a hard call. There are days where I lean one way and days where I lean the other -- and ultimately, all I can do is lift my hands to God and say, "Make me open to your will whatever it is. And give me the grace to move if you ask me to move or stay if you ask me to stay. But, help me to hear your voice and not mine." Honestly our voice can drown out God's if we're not careful. And just because something is easy and agreeable and what we want doesn't necessarily make it God's will for us.
I believe that I started my company World of Difference Ltd. because of a dream that God put in my heart. All of my life experiences helped to make me who I am and to put this passion into my heart. I don't see my work as work so much as a ministry. I want to touch people every time I perform. I want to help them to see that the United States is not the center of the universe and that there is so much that can be learned from other people. And yet, I've had a hard time reconciling my need to create as an artist with the thought that maybe I'm not doing enough for God -- or that what I am doing isn't "ministry-oriented" enough. I've felt confused and frustrated about it.
And then at Urbana, the missions conference I attended, for the first time I heard someone say that if God made me an artist -- if he put that passion into me and gave me the ability for it -- than maybe that was my calling. The speaker said that God wanted to redeem everything in our world -- not just people but education, art, medicine, science -- and the only way to do that was by having committed Christians in every field. That was a liberating thought to me.
So, I do believe I have digressed, and yet, what I want to say is that God continues to amaze me. This summer I will be doing a folktale from Haiti for the summer reading program at libraries across Ohio and in Michigan as well. I chose this folktale last fall, before Haiti was in the news, before many people even knew where it was. I chose it because of its connection to a modern day issue -- the global water crisis and how everyone deserves access to clean water. I became excited about using World of Difference not only to teach about other cultures, but to teach about modern day issues affecting people in the world.
As many of you know, I was supposed to go on a mission trip to Africa last summer. Going to Africa is a long-time dream of mine. At the last minute, the trip was cancelled. I was crushed. This year, I found out that the trip to Africa was being re-scheduled. I really wanted to go but it didn't seem the right time. I knew my husband couldn't go and I didn't want to leave him for 2 months. At the same time, I felt like I was supposed be at home telling the story from Haiti. I felt like it was important for people to know. And yet, it stung -- wanting to go to Africa, knowing the opportunity was there, and that I wasn't even going for it.. .
And I prayed about Haiti. I wanted to go so badly for so many reasons. I get antsy when I haven't been overseas to serve for awhile ( I can't help it! It's just my personality!) And I wanted to know more about this country that I was going to teach about. And today when I got the phone call that I would be going, I was so emotional that I wanted to cry. I felt like God had brought everything together. I felt as though He were saying -- "You are supposed to tell this story this summer." And not only that, I saw that God is capable of opening doors I can't even imagine. . that He is always behind the scenes working things out even though I often know nothing about it. And to be honest, I felt something else -- I felt God's great love for me. I felt like His daughter today and I felt like He was saying, "See how much I love you. I know what's in your heart, and I care about it." He is so worthy of my praise!
At some point I'll post my answer to that question for you to see. I will say that in part I wrote about the conflict that is in me. It's a conflict that I feel almost every day. I can't help but wonder -- am I supposed to be on the ground, living as a missionary somewhere? I love missions, I love people, I love other cultures. I long to have a more simple life, to get rid of stuff I don't need, and be filled more by God and relationships than anything else. And there is a part of me that at any given moment would like to just sell everything and move to some distant land and live among the people there. And if I had my way, I'd probably globe-trot the world that way.
But then there's this other part of me -- the part that wonders if I'm supposed to be here where I'm at right now. If as much as I love the people of the world and want to be with them, if I'm not supposed be here at home getting other people as excited about loving the world as I am and showing them how they can make a difference. It's a hard call. There are days where I lean one way and days where I lean the other -- and ultimately, all I can do is lift my hands to God and say, "Make me open to your will whatever it is. And give me the grace to move if you ask me to move or stay if you ask me to stay. But, help me to hear your voice and not mine." Honestly our voice can drown out God's if we're not careful. And just because something is easy and agreeable and what we want doesn't necessarily make it God's will for us.
I believe that I started my company World of Difference Ltd. because of a dream that God put in my heart. All of my life experiences helped to make me who I am and to put this passion into my heart. I don't see my work as work so much as a ministry. I want to touch people every time I perform. I want to help them to see that the United States is not the center of the universe and that there is so much that can be learned from other people. And yet, I've had a hard time reconciling my need to create as an artist with the thought that maybe I'm not doing enough for God -- or that what I am doing isn't "ministry-oriented" enough. I've felt confused and frustrated about it.
And then at Urbana, the missions conference I attended, for the first time I heard someone say that if God made me an artist -- if he put that passion into me and gave me the ability for it -- than maybe that was my calling. The speaker said that God wanted to redeem everything in our world -- not just people but education, art, medicine, science -- and the only way to do that was by having committed Christians in every field. That was a liberating thought to me.
So, I do believe I have digressed, and yet, what I want to say is that God continues to amaze me. This summer I will be doing a folktale from Haiti for the summer reading program at libraries across Ohio and in Michigan as well. I chose this folktale last fall, before Haiti was in the news, before many people even knew where it was. I chose it because of its connection to a modern day issue -- the global water crisis and how everyone deserves access to clean water. I became excited about using World of Difference not only to teach about other cultures, but to teach about modern day issues affecting people in the world.
As many of you know, I was supposed to go on a mission trip to Africa last summer. Going to Africa is a long-time dream of mine. At the last minute, the trip was cancelled. I was crushed. This year, I found out that the trip to Africa was being re-scheduled. I really wanted to go but it didn't seem the right time. I knew my husband couldn't go and I didn't want to leave him for 2 months. At the same time, I felt like I was supposed be at home telling the story from Haiti. I felt like it was important for people to know. And yet, it stung -- wanting to go to Africa, knowing the opportunity was there, and that I wasn't even going for it.. .
And I prayed about Haiti. I wanted to go so badly for so many reasons. I get antsy when I haven't been overseas to serve for awhile ( I can't help it! It's just my personality!) And I wanted to know more about this country that I was going to teach about. And today when I got the phone call that I would be going, I was so emotional that I wanted to cry. I felt like God had brought everything together. I felt as though He were saying -- "You are supposed to tell this story this summer." And not only that, I saw that God is capable of opening doors I can't even imagine. . that He is always behind the scenes working things out even though I often know nothing about it. And to be honest, I felt something else -- I felt God's great love for me. I felt like His daughter today and I felt like He was saying, "See how much I love you. I know what's in your heart, and I care about it." He is so worthy of my praise!
Monday, March 1, 2010
Just a Glimpse
I've been thinking about Moses today. The book of Numbers tells how God told Moses to climb a mountain and look out over the land he was giving to the Israelites -- the Promised Land. Then He said, "After you've seen it, you will die for you rebelled against my instructions in the wilderness." (If you're not sure how he rebelled, see my post from 2 days ago.)
When I read those words spoken by God, I felt bad for Moses. He had been slandered by his fellow Israelites all while trying to help them. He had worked harder than anyone else to get the Israelites to the Promised Land and now all he gets is a glimpse of it. I can just picture him standing there on the mountain looking out over the great land that he'd worked so hard to get to and knowing that he'd never enter it. Imagine being on the cusp of your dream, everything you've wanted all your life, and then being told -- "Take a peek and then you die." I believe that God is good and so I believe that He was being gracious in allowing Moses to see the land before He died, and yet, in some ways it does seem a little cruel.
But the amazing thing is Moses' response. If I had been in his place, staring at my dream and then hearing it was my time to die, I think I'd have gotten down and begun to beg God, saying, "Please Lord! Please let me enter the Promised Land." Instead, Moses doesn't ask for anything for himself. He says, "Lord, please appoint a new leader for the community because without a leader these people are like sheep without a shepherd." In his last moment, Moses is still concerned about the people he's been leading. And it's not like these people were all that kind to him. They complained, they rebelled, they slandered -- and it doesn't matter, Moses still cared for them. That is the mark of a true leader.
Numbers 12:3 says that Moses was more humble than any other person on earth. Sure, he had a major slip as far as humility was concerned that kept him from the Promised Land. But at a moment when thinking of self would've been natural, he thinks of others. He shows that his true character was one of humility. In the difficult moments, where things don't go my way or I don't get what I've dreamed about and worked hard for, will I show a character of selfishness or one humility before the Lord?
When I read those words spoken by God, I felt bad for Moses. He had been slandered by his fellow Israelites all while trying to help them. He had worked harder than anyone else to get the Israelites to the Promised Land and now all he gets is a glimpse of it. I can just picture him standing there on the mountain looking out over the great land that he'd worked so hard to get to and knowing that he'd never enter it. Imagine being on the cusp of your dream, everything you've wanted all your life, and then being told -- "Take a peek and then you die." I believe that God is good and so I believe that He was being gracious in allowing Moses to see the land before He died, and yet, in some ways it does seem a little cruel.
But the amazing thing is Moses' response. If I had been in his place, staring at my dream and then hearing it was my time to die, I think I'd have gotten down and begun to beg God, saying, "Please Lord! Please let me enter the Promised Land." Instead, Moses doesn't ask for anything for himself. He says, "Lord, please appoint a new leader for the community because without a leader these people are like sheep without a shepherd." In his last moment, Moses is still concerned about the people he's been leading. And it's not like these people were all that kind to him. They complained, they rebelled, they slandered -- and it doesn't matter, Moses still cared for them. That is the mark of a true leader.
Numbers 12:3 says that Moses was more humble than any other person on earth. Sure, he had a major slip as far as humility was concerned that kept him from the Promised Land. But at a moment when thinking of self would've been natural, he thinks of others. He shows that his true character was one of humility. In the difficult moments, where things don't go my way or I don't get what I've dreamed about and worked hard for, will I show a character of selfishness or one humility before the Lord?
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