Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Busier than Before

Dear Readers (assuming there are some of you out there!),

I apologize for letting you down yesterday with nary a post. I forgot my computer's power cord at my parent's house and didn't have enough charge to use it when I got home. Perhaps it's better off that I didn't have a charge because yesterday was an extremely busy day. Overwhelmingly busy. So much so that I was fairly emotional last night. See, I was supposed to have moved back in December when I had nothing going on. I was supposed to have lots of time to set up things like trash pick-up, carpet cleaning and other things that homeowners have to do. Instead, for reasons beyond my control, we moved in February, when it seems like just about every day on my calendar is filled with something. I've been overwhelmed by all that I have going on lately. And the problem is that for the most part, all of it is good stuff, stuff that I like. And I like a lot of things, which makes it hard for me to say no, even if I've begun to feel like I'm burning the candle at both ends.

It's a hard balance for me. I don't want to be too busy; and yet if I'm honest with myself, I enjoy being busy. During the seasons in my life when I have had little to do, I haven't dealt well with it. I've been antsy and anxious. The past year and a half as I started my company and worked on getting it going, it seemed like I always had plenty of time on my hands. Now, the company is beginning to take off and it seems like I'm busier than I've ever been. I'm trying to learn how to balance it all. As things begin moving, it's easy to want to fill up every minute of my time with more work -- especially since I love my work so much. And yet I know how detrimental that can be not only to myself, but to those closest to me.

I appreciate so much other cultures that have a slower pace, where people come first and people will drop whatever they're doing even to entertain a total stranger. I find such beauty in that way of being. And yet, my way of being is American through and through. I've noticed a lot of people that complain about how busy they are. However, if you listen to their complaints, many of the things they're complaining about are things that they have chosen to do, not things that were forced upon them. Even our volunteer activities and social engagements can become sources of complaint if we're not careful. On top of that, I've noticed that complaining about how busy we are can also become a source of pride. It's like we're trying to prove that we have more on our plate than anyone else. Recently I've caught myself complaining about how busy I am. And then I've had to stop and check myself and say, "Hey, you chose to get involved with all of this stuff. So don't complain about it!" I've asked my husband to keep me in check because I don't want to become a complainer. I don't want the good things I'm doing to become a source of complaint that drags other down. I know there are times when we are all overwhelmed by life and all that is going on, but I think when we begin to complain about it, that's when we have to stop and ask ourselves if it's something we have to do or something we've chosen to do.

I think I like being busy because I'm the kind of person who doesn't want to miss out on anything. And yet, I think there's a paradox here somewhere, because when you're too busy, you miss out on enjoying the beauty of each moment. Today is a gift, tomorrow is not guaranteed. I don't want to waste today becoming overwhelmed by tomorrow.

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